The Claw of Knowledge

Sources: Value of Snapchat Department of Defense Maintenance Spending (Page A-4) NYC Metro Operating Budget Annual Operating Budget of IRS Budget of Florida State Transportation Department Productivity Lost Due to Drinking-Related Absences Cost of California Prison System Back Taxes Apple Owes in Ireland Amount Army Spend on Air Conditioning in 2011

In the Coast Guard, we always talk about the EAGLE – the 3-masted sailing ship we stole from the Nazis at the end of World War II. But there’s another ship we talk about less – one even EAGLE aspires to be. That ship is the  Bear . Bear  was built in Scotland in 1874, for a company that hunted seals out of Newfoundland. She was a marvel of her time: a steam-powered proto-icebreaker with six-inch wooden planks on her hull and enough power to smash through solid ice. Her first voyage revolutionized the sealing industry forever, and she quickly earned a reputation as the best sealer on the waves. She could venture further and bring back more pelts than literally a hundred other ships combined. Which is a great reputation to have, unless you like seals.

After a long, long, (very long) wait, MY BOOK IS FINALLY AVAILABLE ON AMAZON! Inside, you'll find 88 pages of cartoons, diagrams, and - obviously - facts about the military branch no one ever remembers. It's the perfect way to prove to your relatives you're not a lifeguard, or mock your Navy friends! This is a type of book I don't think has ever existed for the Coast Guard - one that tells the story of our service with all the honor, humor, and cynicism that it deserves - all the things that make the service both indispensable and ignored. All the things that make me proud to be a Coastie. You can buy the book here!

Want to see more of what I post? Like me on Facebook! You might also like:    Five Awesome Facts About The Coast Guard

I used to be in the Coast Guard, and that means that while I spent a lot of time around the Navy, Marine Corps, and even Air Force, I almost never saw anyone from the Army. …Of course, that doesn’t mean they weren’t actually there. The Army is the oldest of all the military branches. Over the last 240 years, it’s gone just about everywhere and done just about everything. So when I started making a list of awesome facts about the Army the same way I did for the Coast Guard , I found it a little hard to surprise anyone. See, most of the basic facts about the Army are intuitive: of course it’s the largest branch. Of course it’s the oldest. Of course it’s been to [name a country]. But, much like the Army itself, I’m not really one to back down from a challenge. So I did a little more research, and here's what I came up with. FIVE AWESOME FACTS ABOUT THE ARMY

Despite the fact that it travels all over the world saving lives, stopping smugglers, and improving the safety of the seas, the Coast Guard still operates on less money than the New York City subway and with less manpower than Disney World. Here's a couple charts to put the small size of the Coast Guard in context: (We used to have an adage that the Coast Guard was smaller than the New York City Police Department. This used to be true, but in the mid-2000s, the NYPD went through a round of budget cuts that pushed its uniformed officers down to around 35,000 - well below the CG.) My Kickstarter is over, but you can still help me write my book ! Donate $25 or more and I'll add you to the list of people receiving a copy! Donate $60 or more and you'll also receive a Challenge Coin! Like me on Facebook to see more of what I post < Previous Post  |  Main Page   |  Next Post  >

I joined the Coast Guard thanks to a woman (well, many women, but one in particular): my older sister. Four years before I showed up at the Coast Guard Academy, she did the same. All throughout high school, I watched her endure the training: the push-ups, the marching, the heavy course load, the loss of the most basic privileges. I saw her excel in spite of all of it, saw her grow even stronger than she was before, and I thought to myself: Holy crap, I am never doing that. Still, it sucked me in like an undertow. A mere two months after she received her commission, I began Swab Summer at the Academy: a grueling introduction to a grueling four years. It’s not something I ever would have considered, that I ever would have thought to do – if my sister hadn’t done it before me. In that spirit, I’d like to take a moment to honor the sacrifices of some of the women who served as pioneers of the Coast Guard. Of course, none of them signed up just to be the ‘first woman’ to do so...

I suppose in a way, the Justice League is kind of like the Armed Forces: a team of heroes who each use their unique skills and powers to complete missions that each of them would be unable to take on alone. The Navy is like Aquaman, Ruler of the Waves. The Air Force is like Green Lantern, who uses his magic ring to fly and shoot. The Army has the inhumanly-strong Superman. Or is Superman more like the Marines? Then the Army would be Flash. Or wait, is Flash fast like the Air Force? But Superman's fast, too, and he flies… Ugh. Maybe I should’ve used the Avengers… Okay, okay...maybe I can’t pin down a comparison for all the members of the Justice League, but there’s still one hero who’s not like the others – who doesn’t share their superpowers, methods, or their clubhouse. And even if I can’t match a superhero to every other military branch, there’s one thing I’m absolutely certain of: the Coast Guard is Batman . Here's why. SEVEN REASONS THE COAS...

Today is the one year anniversary of when I started The Claw of Knowledge! In celebration, I've got an exciting announcement: I'M TURNING FIVE AWESOME FACTS ABOUT THE COAST GUARD INTO A BOOK! But I'm going to need your help to do it! I want to make the best book I possibly can, and that means I'll need funding. Donate $25 to the Kickstarter campaign and receive a copy of the book when it's finished ! Donate $15 and get an e-copy! HELP ME TELL AWESOME STORIES ABOUT THE COAST GUARD! < Previous Post  |  Main Page

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Going to a military academy is kind of like going to preschool: you don’t get to decide what time you wake up in the morning, you can’t leave without permission, and – perhaps most irritating – you don’t get to pick what clothes you’re going to wear that day. As you might recall from my very first post as The Claw of Knowledge , I went to the U.S. Coast Guard Academy, in scenic New London, Connecticut. Like any military academy, it has a pretty rigid rank structure: freshman are the lowest (fourth class), sophomores are the second lowest (third class), juniors next, and so on. With each rank comes a new set of privileges that you didn’t get the year before, kind of like gaining a superpower. Y’know, if superpowers were all things that ordinary people do every day, like being able to slightly turn your head while in the hallway, or not having to stand up when other people come in your room. However, I'm completely powerless against your ability to give out demerits. ...

The Coast Guard is a misunderstood service. We get called water police, shallow-water sailors, or puddle pirates. And while all of those are accurate, they’re not the whole story. Those of you who read my original post – Five Awesome Facts About The Coast Guard – may recall that the Coast Guard is one of the five branches of the U.S. military. It’s responsible for a variety of important jobs, ranging from maritime law enforcement, to drug interdiction, to search and rescue, to maintaining buoys and lighthouses. It’s left us with a lot on our plates. In the end, though, doing all of these different jobs has made the Coast Guard into a very versatile service. It’s given us the opportunity to go a lot of places and play a lot of roles most people don’t expect. Whether we're heading into a raging storm or dangerous combat zone, we'll go wherever it takes to get the job done. To give you some examples, I made another list. FIVE MORE AWESOME FACTS AB...

Clicks are the currency of the internet. And just like with actual currency, everyone's always trying to rob you of yours. But since it’s apparently illegal to break into someone’s house and force them to visit your website , you’re left with two options: either A) create things so utterly awesome that people seek them out on their own, or B) manipulate the **** out of people so they click on your links without even realizing why. (Not actually an ad. As much as we might want laser-eyed dinosaurs.) Since it turns out A is actually really, really hard, here’s a list of the most annoying ways people try to achieve B. THE FIVE MOST IRRITATING TYPES OF CLICKBAIT ON THE INTERNET