The Claw of Knowledge

Much like in Harry Potter, the Holidays are a magical time to be at Coastwarts School of Watchcraft and Wizguardry. There's leave to look forward to, bridgecoats to be worn, and most of all, the chance to decorate your dungeon-like room for once. Of course, since the Holidays also mean the onset of finals and the busiest time of your cadet career outside of Swab Summer, you probably don't have a lot of time to put together decorations. So here's a few ready-made things you can print out and tape up when you've got a sec. Enjoy. Download full set as a PDF here. Basic Wall Decorations Just print out and hang up. Santa Sleigh Display Print out and tape together. Ava il able in port and starboard .   Cadet Shield Wreath Garland Print out multiple copies and tape together.

After a long, long, (very long) wait, MY BOOK IS FINALLY AVAILABLE ON AMAZON! Inside, you'll find 88 pages of cartoons, diagrams, and - obviously - facts about the military branch no one ever remembers. It's the perfect way to prove to your relatives you're not a lifeguard, or mock your Navy friends! This is a type of book I don't think has ever existed for the Coast Guard - one that tells the story of our service with all the honor, humor, and cynicism that it deserves - all the things that make the service both indispensable and ignored. All the things that make me proud to be a Coastie. You can buy the book here!

I used to be in the Coast Guard, and that means that while I spent a lot of time around the Navy, Marine Corps, and even Air Force, I almost never saw anyone from the Army. …Of course, that doesn’t mean they weren’t actually there. The Army is the oldest of all the military branches. Over the last 240 years, it’s gone just about everywhere and done just about everything. So when I started making a list of awesome facts about the Army the same way I did for the Coast Guard , I found it a little hard to surprise anyone. See, most of the basic facts about the Army are intuitive: of course it’s the largest branch. Of course it’s the oldest. Of course it’s been to [name a country]. But, much like the Army itself, I’m not really one to back down from a challenge. So I did a little more research, and here's what I came up with. FIVE AWESOME FACTS ABOUT THE ARMY

This year, I try to bring a little love to a place where love is strictly prohibited per the cadet regulations: the U.S. Coast Guard Academy. So here you go, cadets: a set of Valentine's Day Cards made just for you! Print them out (they work best on card stock) and pass them around to your shipmates in whatever way won't get you bagged. (Click to see full-size images) Show people you don't just stand there and guard the beach all day! Learn awesome facts about the service! Make fun of the Navy! All that and more in my new book! Like me on Facebook to see more of what I post < Previous Post  |  Main Page   |  Next Post  >

Going to a military academy is kind of like going to preschool: you don’t get to decide what time you wake up in the morning, you can’t leave without permission, and – perhaps most irritating – you don’t get to pick what clothes you’re going to wear that day. As you might recall from my very first post as The Claw of Knowledge , I went to the U.S. Coast Guard Academy, in scenic New London, Connecticut. Like any military academy, it has a pretty rigid rank structure: freshman are the lowest (fourth class), sophomores are the second lowest (third class), juniors next, and so on. With each rank comes a new set of privileges that you didn’t get the year before, kind of like gaining a superpower. Y’know, if superpowers were all things that ordinary people do every day, like being able to slightly turn your head while in the hallway, or not having to stand up when other people come in your room. However, I'm completely powerless against your ability to give out demerits. ...

When I was 18, I joined the U.S. Coast Guard Academy (yes, that’s a thing). It’s similar to the Naval Academy or West Point in that it’s one of the four federal military academies. You go there, train for four years, and enter the service when you graduate. I won’t lie – none of these Academies are a cake walk (okay, maybe Air Force), but I'm convinced the Coast Guard Academy's rules are the toughest to deal with. Why? Because it’s the smallest of the four – only a thousand cadets – meaning you get a LOT more scrutiny on any given day. Ranks at the Academy work like tiers on an airline. First class is highest (seniors), second class is next (juniors), then third class (sophomores), and finally fourth class (freshman). You get new priviliges as you move up in rank, each time restoring some of your basic human freedoms: firsties get to drive cars and can leave base most often. Second class can wear normal clothes, third class can wear suits and ties when they go ...